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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(1) Under no circumstances may two men share one umbrella.


(2) It is ok for a Man to cry only under the following circumstances:

a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina
Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.

d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she
is using her teeth

(3) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may
be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

(4) Unless he murdered someone
in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

(5)
If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.

(6) Moaning about the brand of
free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature
is unsuitable.

(7) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
strictly optional.

(8.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.

(9) When stumbling upon other blokes
watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.

(10) If you trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.

(11) It is permissible to quaff a fruity premix cocktail
drink (i.e., Vodka Melon Cruiser) only when you're sunning on a tropical
beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

(12)
Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another bloke in the nuts. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.


(13) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


(14) If a Man's fly is down or there's a massive booger in his nose;
that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

(15) Women who claim they
"love to watch sport" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge
of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sport watchers.


(16) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

(17) Never hesitate to reach for the last
beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

(18.)
If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.

(19) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.


(20) Phrases that may not be uttered to another Man while lifting
weights:
a) "Yeah, Baby, Push it!"
b) "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"

c) "Another set and we can hit the showers!"

(21) Never talk to a
Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. both urinating, both
queuing, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

(22) Never allow a telephone conversation with a
woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch
by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

(23) The morning after you and a
girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that
you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was.

(24) It is acceptable for
you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

(25)
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or
sky blue.

(26) The girlfriend who responds to "what do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets a Playstation,
end of story.
</span>
 

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Chris,


Thats some funny stuff you've got there, where did you get it from?
 

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6,275 Posts
Chris... a man after my own heart.



When you fix my upload pictures issue I'll post a pic into this thread that you will love.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Mark,


Good to see you back on board. Was the break work or pleasure?


Regards,


Chris
 

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Skidd said:
Chris... a man after my own heart.



When you fix my upload pictures issue I'll post a pic into this thread that you will love.

OK mate... as promised all that time ago, now that I can upload it... here it is;


The one thing that I *really* want for Christmas.



 

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I love to 2 mute buttons, just in case one fails you can still mute her
, where can i get one?
 

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6,275 Posts
tOiletduck said:
Skidd said:
tOiletduck said:
There should be a button on there that can stop them from getting into your wallet

LOL... of course you could try the 'Sleep' function.
Good call, i didnt think of that

Also good for when you want to go to the track but she doesn't want to let you out of her sight.
 

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505 Posts



i though someone might appreciate these like i do


Edited by: SinnMTA4
 

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LOL! @ the proof!



ahh what a pissa of a topic!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Skidd,


If I knew that was coming I would have fixed your uploads months ago.


Very good.... I like it.


Chris.
 

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Just showed my missus all these posts and she pissed herself laughing
. Loving this thread, anyone got any more?
 

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6,579 Posts
Skidd said:
tOiletduck said:
Skidd said:
tOiletduck said:
There should be a button on there that can stop them from getting into your wallet

LOL... of course you could try the 'Sleep' function.
Good call, i didnt think of that

Also good for when you want to go to the track but she doesn't want to let you out of her sight.

Any of you SNAGs watch The Stepford Wives?!


Talk about drool city...
just needs an RC facility in that little town.
 

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husky said:
Just showed my missus all these posts and she pissed herself laughing
. Loving this thread, anyone got any more?

Sure....


Men's Rules.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.

Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,

for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping
 

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Skidd said:
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Really Skidd? Who lost the 2004 Grand Final...




1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping

Good one!!


Do girls realise that the COUCH is invariably closest to the BIGGEST TV in the whole house, whose ever house I've been to??


Ergo that makes it the BEST spot to veg at.
Edited by: zoomer
 
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